Welcome

I want to extend a warm welcome to you. If you’ve found yourself here, I imagine you are seeking something—a new perspective, a sense of clarity, or perhaps a path forward through uncertainty. I know that search well.

Life is a dance of dynamic equilibrium—a continual balancing of structure and flow, struggle and grace, the known and the mysterious. I have lived across the full spectrum of experience—from combat zones to diplomatic negotiations, espionage to solitude in the wildness and monasteries, from leading organizations to losing everything. These contrasts have shaped the spectrum of my understanding of transformation—not as a single moment, but as an ongoing process of continual tension and harmony, structure and surrender.

In my early 20s, I began seeking.

I committed myself to personal and spiritual development, searching for purpose and clarity, yet struggling under the weight of cPTSD, treatment-resistant depression, and severe anxiety. For years, I was trapped in cycles of isolation, self-doubt, and a profound disconnection from life itself. Despite the achievements of my past—serving as a U.S. Marine combat veteran, intelligence officer, diplomat, and organizational leader—I remained lost. I carried shame, anger, and loneliness, navigating the world with a hardened exterior, yet internally feeling empty.

Something within me refused to stay silent—a quiet but insistent pull to look inward, to question, to remember. My path instilled a discipline for excellence, and for a time, I believed it would lead to happiness—but I came to realize that achievement without inner alignment only deepened the emptiness I was trying to outrun.

These years brought a reckoning with childhood shame, moral confusion, and the early effects of trauma from combat and the mental strain of espionage. I began confronting paternal wounds, reconnecting with my inner child, and learning how to self-reflect, self-direct, and self-manage through confusion and pressure. In the later part of this decade, I experienced the onset of an identity and existential crisis—a growing dissonance between who I had become and who I sensed I was called to be.
The pain I carried became one of the most important teachers I began to slow down and listen to. These years laid the foundation for something more honest and enduring.

By my 30s, I could no longer outrun my pain.

Instead of resisting, I turned toward it. I became an avid psychonaut, immersing myself in guided psychedelic practice to unravel my conditioning, heal from the inside out, and explore the deeper truths of existence. I spent thousands of hours meditating, immersed myself in the wilderness, and surrendered to practices that required me to confront my deepest fears and dissolve long-held illusions.

This decade became a crucible of growth—shaped by mentorship, apprenticeship, and the steady mirror of peer accountability. I wasn’t just learning anymore; I was applying, testing, and integrating. The insights that once lived in ceremony were now being walked into my relationships, leadership, and service.

Behind the scenes, I faced some of my darkest nights. I experienced homelessness, spiraled through mental illness, and watched my marriage unravel following an affair. I endured the pain of divorce, the pressure of overwork as an organizational leader, and the financial collapse that came from desperately trying to escape a life I no longer aligned with. The paranoia from years in diplomacy overseas and the emotional remnants of combat trauma followed me into civilian life.
I lived the victim until I learned to reclaim my agency. The identity crisis that had emerged years before deepened before it began to transform, guiding me to rediscover my values and rebuild my moral compass from within.

And yet, through it all, something deeper was being revealed. What once felt like unbearable suffering became my greatest teacher, shaping the way I now see the world—with reverence, curiosity, and an unwavering appreciation for the resilience of the human spirit. I discovered that just as the world itself is in a constant state of tension and harmony, so too are we—navigating the interplay between structure and surrender, effort and ease, knowing and mystery.
Healing doesn’t come from escaping the past—it comes from making peace with it, transforming it, and realizing that our deepest suffering often shapes the most unique gifts we’re here to give.

Now, in my 40s, I serve.

I stand fully in my purpose, answering a calling that has grown louder with each passing year. But the path has been far from linear—it's been marked by uncertainty, change, and an ever-deepening invitation to surrender. To walk this path has meant refining my integrity, facing my unconscious patterns, and learning to trust something deeper than logic alone.

This phase of life hasn’t brought resolution, but a more honest relationship with the unknown. Answering a calling isn’t a single decision—it’s a lifelong commitment to showing up. I’ve had to learn how to listen when it’s easier to speak, to stay grounded when it's tempting to run, and to lead with heart in a world that often rewards avoidance.

Each day asks me to be more grounded, more real, and more present. I continue to cultivate presence—not as performance, but as devotion—and to show up with humility in every space I’m invited into.
The real work isn’t about knowing more—it’s about loving better. The struggles of my earlier years—forgetting I’m enough, falling into habital automatic thinking—have not disappeared. But I meet them now with clarity and compassion, waking up repeatedly, no longer as obstacles, but as allies in my continued becoming.

Living the Work

Today, I support others through their own transformational journeys. As a full-time psychedelic guide, social entrepreneur, and integration coach, I help clients navigate thresholds of growth—whether they’re high-performing professionals, spiritual seekers, or those in transition. Over the decades, I’ve coached thousands of clients, and since 2022, I’ve facilitated hundreds of intentional psilocybin experiences, all grounded in harm reduction, reverence, and responsible use. My work is anchored in a lifelong commitment to truth, freedom, and authenticity—principles that guide interaction and offering.

With over a decade of dedicated practice as a diligent psychonaut, I’ve been guided through more than a hundred ceremonial psychedelic experiences myself—deepening my understanding across a diverse range of substances, lineages, and traditions. These journeys have taught me that true healing isn’t about fixing what’s broken, but remembering what’s always been whole beneath the layers of forgetting. Having lived abroad in the Middle East, Europe, and across North America, I’ve worked with people from all walks of life. Now based in Portland, Maine—a city that has decriminalized plant medicines—I travel to clients or welcome them here for their journeys.

My approach blends the structured discipline of my past with the expansive, heart-centered wisdom of lived experience. Every session or ceremony includes a personalized action plan to ensure insights are embodied, not just remembered. Clients often say they feel deeply seen—more clearly than ever before, walking away with clarity, purpose, and a renewed sense of self.

The journey continues. I remain a student—learning to listen more deeply, to care more honestly, and to serve more humbly. Because transformation isn’t a goal. It’s a way of being.

How to Begin

If you’re feeling called to explore this work, I invite you to book a complimentary 20-minute Discovery Call. During our conversation, I’ll share insights into my approach and answer any questions you may have. As part of this call, you’ll also receive a comprehensive harm reduction and education package, including key resources, preparation guidance, and tools to help you navigate your path with clarity and intention—whether you choose to work with me or not.

This is an opportunity to gain deeper insight into safe and intentional psychedelic work, explore how this process might support your life, and take the first step toward meaningful transformation in this unique way.

If any of this resonates, I invite you to explore more. You can read about my journey in greater depth on my about me page, review offerings, or browse testimonials to learn more.

Whatever path you’re on, I honor your search. Life is precious, and every moment is an invitation to step closer to who we are meant to be.

…

From My Heart to Yours,

Yeshua Adonai

Psychedelic Guide

aboutyeshua.com